Good afternoon everyone. So I have posted in a few weeks, but I’m back. Today I want to talk a little about friendships and myself. Recently I’m being forced to accept the hard truth that I can’t always be every part of myself around my friends. It’s hard for me because I feel honesty is important, but I suppose there’s something as too much honesty in certain situations. I’m probably the one in the group that gives the “too much information” (tmi) feeling regarding my life. It makes me come across as a bit of a Negative Nancy and the bringer of Doom and Gloom. So, I’m working on keeping certain things to myself, no matter how challenging it me be at times.
The thing is, I have a few health issues that majorly affect my life from time to time. One problem in particular affects the way I think, the way I feel, and the way I act. This has made it difficult to hang out with my friends in the past because sometimes I’m not able to be the person they know me to be. It’s like there are two me’s. The real me that’s present when I’m well, and the other me -that isn’t really me- who comes out when I’m not well. The challenge is explaining this double-self to my friends because explaining it means explaining the reason behind it and that’s something that I’ve learned time and again that they don’t want to know about and can’t understand.
I’ve learned that instead of putting that part of myself out there and inevitably being criticized, judged, or otherwise hurt – through no real fault of my friends, its best that I keep certain parts of me to myself. It’s hard for me to do, but its something I have to start working on. I realised that I share my problems with my friends because I believe that everyone needs support in this world and that that’s what friends are for, but maybe that’s not the way the world works. The thing is, I’m always going to be there to help my friends through anything they might be experiencing, but I feel I don’t get the same in return. People have told me that I’m asking for too much and I guess I am. In the future, when I need to talk to someone, I’ll go to my healthcare provider. And if my friends ever ask me certain questions that can only be answered by telling them what they don’t want me to share, then I’ll just say that I can’t answer.